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Fair
warning, I'll be pointing out some of DiC's unnecessary cuts and censors
throughout this recap.
The
episode begins in Queen Beryl's lair, where she and Jadeite are talking about
how crazy hard parents push their children in school.
Beryl and Jadeite can't quite figure out what all the fuss is about with
school, but Jadeite plans to nab that type of energy from the students. Beryl
gives him permission to proceed.
Meanwhile, Usagi is reading "Ga-ruzu"
(Girls) monthly and laughing her ass off.
Usagi tries to share the joke with her mom, but Ikuko quickly reminds her about
her homework. And there goes any hope of mother-daughter bonding, right
there. Weird this, see the above picture? DiC actually censored this out of
their cut of the episode. Why? It's just a teardrop!!
Usagi tries to assure Ikuko that she'll get right on it, to wit Ikuko drops a
guilt trip on her, asking her not to be a bad student. Usagi cries, saying
that if there's a top of the class, there must be a bottom, and it's hardest
on the kid at the bottom whose grades suck. Ikuko laments that with Usagi's
grades, she's the one who should be crying, not Usagi. Usagi stops crying.
Back in her room, Usagi is being scolded by Luna for not getting her grades
up. Usagi fakes doing her homework while actually reading manga, pissing off
Luna.
Luna scolds her about not working hard enough at being Sailor Moon or looking
for the Moon Princess, to wit Usagi reminds her she never asked for this job.
She asks Luna what kind of monsters the Youma are, and Luna's like "I
dunno". Can you imagine this?? "Hey, 14 year old, go fight monsters
for me. What kind of monsters? Um I dunnoooooooo
just do it!" I'm amazed Usagi hasn't kicked her from the balcony yet. By
the way, the above screencap was censored out of the DiC dub as well. Why? I
have no idea. Maybe Usagi with black eyes is creepy?
Later that night, Luna quietly enters the arcade to access the Sailor V Game.
She complains that she doesn't feel like Usagi's doing enough, and the
machine scolds her for whining. Good.
Luna uses the touch-screen (this is 1992, yes, we had a few of them back
then) to bring up an image of 14 year old Ami Mizuno. The two agree that she
may be a monster. Nice judgement there.
The next day, everyone is marveling that the new girl in school has the
highest grades and an IQ of 300. Umino spouts that last part off after
sneaking up from behind, prompting Naru to punch him right on the top of his
head. HOLY CRAP mean much??
Ami is literally minding her own business, starring out of the window. The
kids mention that only the rich can go to the Crystal Seminar Cram School
where Ami attends, but Ami is there on a scholarship. Suddenly, the unnamed
fat girl from a few episodes back starts spreading rumors about Ami having an
attitude, purely out of jealousy. Naru actually plays along with the
bullying, and then Umino joins in. Do I have to point out WHY Usagi needs new
friends?
Usagi chooses not to buy into the bullying, and notices that Ami is
overhearing the nasty comments. Usagi tries to change the subject about the
weather, so the teasing will stop, but Ami is already upset.
After school, Usagi laments that she wishes she was a smarter kid. She
envisions her mother strangling her with a dog collar and whipping her over
her bad grades. YIKES! This was another censored scene in the DiC version.
Suddenly, Usagi sees Luna about to jump Ami.
AAA!! Ami got so scared by Luna, it deformed her whole freaking face!!
Luna is suspicious of Ami, but Ami thinks Luna is adorable. Usagi comes to
apologize about Luna and the two start chatting as they walk.
D'awwwwwww isn't Ami adorable here? Ami figures out
that Luna means "Moon". Let's think about this a minute. Usagi is
Sailor MOON. Her cat's name means MOON. How exactly are we not figuring out
she's the MOON princess again?
Usagi plans to use her new friendship with Ami to get good grades. I was just
about to champion the kid for making friends in spite of Ami being picked on
and then..
Are we… we're not noticing the cat is whispering out in public, right? We're
just gonna let that happen, right?
Usagi starts laughing and then pat-smacking Luna.
And then OMG are you punching your cat??
OMG you're smothering her!!
I'm not sure what's more alarming, watching Usagi smother and hit Luna, or
knowing that Ami is just watching all of this like "Oh, you're abusing
your cat. Whatevs."
usagi takes all her cat killing frustration out on the Sailor V game.
HEY!! That's not the right costume!!
Ami takes over and SON OF A BITCH Sailor V is packing HEAT!!
Ami blows away Usagi's score and takes the lead as a bunch of dudes start
hovering over the girls…. Getting a little rapey here, guys.
FINISH PAINTING YOUR EYES!!
Motoki appears just before Ami has to rush off, leaving an angry mob
screaming at her score.
Ami drops her pencil case and Usagi picks it up for her. Ami tells Usagi she
has to go to cram school every day.
After Ami leaves, Motoki hands Usagi a floppy disk Ami dropped on the way
out. For those who don't know, before we had USB Flash Drives and the Cloud,
we had floppy disks. The original floppies were giant, black and flopped back
and forth when you waived them, while the 90's version were thick plastic,
came in different colors, had labels you could stick on and write on and were
a little more than one-quarter the size of their 1980's predecessors. Most of
the data was stored on the metal parts Motoki's greasy-assed hand is smearing
all over, meaning that in a real world setting, the dirt from the floor plus
his oily hands would have rendered the disk glitchy, but for the sake of the
storyline, this disk is clean and ready to run. This version is called a
3½-inch floppy or Micro diskette.
(This is Micro??) The average HD Floppy of this size could only hold
up to 1.44 MBs of data. In comparison, an SD Card can hold 2 or more GBs. I'm
pretty sure some of the graphics used in this review would have swallowed
that thing whole.
By the way, in Sailor Moon Crystal, the program is on a CD-ROM. A CD-ROM can
hold 700MBs of data. If Ami's 1992 school program was able to fit on a floppy
holding only 1.44 MBs, what the hell did they use to fill the rest of the
disc with?? That's 698.56 MBs of empty space!!
Well while I was off in Geekland, the Youma of the
day was making fun of her drained students piling in at the Crystal Seminar.
After the break, Ami has discovered she's lost her disk. The teacher pats her
on the back and reminds her to use it, also reminding her of the fact she's
on a scholarship.
Outside, Usagi tries to return the disk, but Mamoru shows up to poke fun at
her. The above screencap is yet another DiC messed with.
Mamoru states that he heard Luna talking, freaking them both out. Usagi
insists cats can't talk, and she tries to get away.
I don’t know why, but DiC censored out this screencap too. Why??
And they cut this one out too. Why??
Luna says she wants to inspect the disk before giving it back to Ami. Usagi
tells Luna she doesn't know how to use a computer. In 1992, this was a normal
statement. In today's world, that's inexcusable. Fortunately, Luna is computer
savvy. Whose computer even is this? I don't know. Maybe there's a Kinko's in
Japan?
Luna gets the blue screen of death along with a high pitched squeal, followed
by a male voice asking for the listener's energy.
FINISH DRAWING YOUR LOCKET!!
Luna and Usagi head back to Crystal Seminar, where Usagi uses the Luna Pen to
become a university doctor.
Upon entry, usagi finds that all of the students not named Ami look
half-dead.
Usagi accuses Ami of being the enemy and transforms. But while Ami is shocked,
Garoben appears and holds her hostage.
Sailor Moon calls out Luna for being wrong, and Luna's just like "oh
that's weird" taking NO responsibility at all.
Garoben starts asking Sailor Moon questions about gravity. When she can't
answer correctly, she gets pelted with test paper razors.
When she can't pass the second question, Garoben sends the zombified
teenagers after Sailor Moon.
Garoben tries to force Ami to send her energy through the computer, but
nothing works. Garoben figures out this is because Ami doesn't use the disk.
Ami confirms, saying you should learn without machines. (That will change in
future episodes.) The mark of Mercury appears on her forehead in bright green
and with a heart inside of it. Why? Maybe they thought this was cuter.
Realizing her mistake, Luna brings out Ami's pen, puts it in her mouth and
races towards her. Yeah look at the animation. LUNA HAS NO POCKETS!! Where
did it come from??
Garoben turns her arm into an axe and is about to chop up Ami when Luna yells
to her and flings her pen.
Wipe it off, kid!!
Ami becomes Sailor Mercury, just as the zombified teens start pulling at
Sailor Moon.
Mercury uses Bubble Spray (Shabon Spray) to create a fog, throwing Garoben
off.
Garoben is freezing as the zombified teens collapse. An image of Mercury with
THE WRONG GEM appears in a monitor. Garoben stabs the monitor, getting stuck,
not realizing it was a reflection.
This distraction lasts long enough for Sailor Moon to use Moon Tiara Action,
disintegrating Garoben alive.
With Garoben gone, the kids start returning to normal human status as Luna
informs Ami that she is now Sailor Mercury. By the way, the strips on her
boots? They will alternate between blue and white for the rest of the series.
And her hair? It's supposed to be blue, but it will look green and teal off
and on until at least SuperS. And yes, this drives me insane.
Outside, Luna apologizes for mistaking Ami for being a monster. Usagi makes a
slight, polite bow, which was cut from the DiC version.
This scene was also cut from DiC though later re-appeared in some broadcasts.
Usagi and Ami officially become friends and promise to make a good team.
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BONUS
We're getting some manga references today!
For starters, Luna's username is "Codename 0091". This is in
reference to the Codename Sailor V manga, which debuted in 1991. But did you
also catch her password?
Passcode: The rabbit on the moon pounds
rice into mochi. The Moon mochi is sticky. It turned bubbly on the grill.
Usagi Tsukino when translated into
English means "Rabbit on the Moon" so in the first place, not only
is Usagi Sailor MOON but MOON is half of her last name, making literally
every single character searching for the MOON princess really stupid in that
they never put this together.
Also, think about her family for just a
moment. "Tsuki No" is loosely translated as "On the Moon"
with Tsuki meaning "Moon". Let's break down a few names. I'm even
throwing in a few DiC names on the bottom.
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Character Name
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First name meaning
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Translation
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Kenji Tsukino
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Twice as Wise
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Twice as Wise on the Moon
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Ikuko Tsukino
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Raised Child
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Raised Child On the Moon
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Usagi Tsukino
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Rabbit/Bunny
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Rabbit on the Moon
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Shingo Tsukino
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My Humility
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My Humility on the Moon
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Luna Tsukino
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The Moon
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The Moon on the Moon
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Chibiusa Tsukino
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Small Rabbit/Bunny
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Small Rabbit on the Moon
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Kousagi Tsukino
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Little Rabbit/Bunny
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Little Rabbit on the Moon
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Serenity Tsukino
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Peaceful Disposition
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Peaceful Disposition on the Moon
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Serena Tsukino
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Serene
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Serene on the Moon
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Rini Tsukino
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Little Bunny
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Little Bunny on the Moon
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Usagi's name also comes from various
folklore about there being a rabbit on the moon, pounding mochi. Mochi is a sticky-sweet rice cake, made by
pounding mochigome short rice into a paste and then molding it into a nice,
round shape. Traditionally, it's made by steaming the rice after an overnight
drying and then pounding it with a giant mortar and pestle, but there are
quicker, more modern ways to make it with machines. For certain holidays,
it's serves with a red bean paste center, and a pink version called
"Sakura Mochi" can be served with a triangular leaf, matching
Chibiusa's hairstyle.
  
Hey speaking of Chibiusa, what is Codename Sailor V doing wearing Chibiusa's
summer uniform and Sailor Uranus's boots? Another note, when this first aired
in the US in 1995, DiC censored the crap out of this scene. Just take a look,
images are courtesy of Sailor Moon
Uncensored, one of my favorite websites of all time:
NONE of the edits make any sense, but
then that was DiC for you. They were so pointless and reckless back then.
Each of these changes COST them money, and again, they weren't censoring out anything
that needed to be cut. Even Sailor V's gun is left 100% alone in the censored
cuts, so why even bother if you're not going to chop the gun out? Oddly, the
DiC edit adds more insults towards Ami and Usagi, making the show less
kid-friendly in an effort to make it more kid-friendly. Counterproductive
much?
 
Did you ever want to know how Hotaru would look as a blonde? Well Usagi just
made your dream come true. Check it out! Her hair is just slightly longer
than Hotaru's.
 
I bet you're already thinking about teen Hotaru.
You know, it really bothers me that Tuxedo Mask wasn't seen in this episode.
Oh sure, we got snotty Mamoru again, but in the manga (this screencap belongs
to Miss dream) there's a cute segment where Tuxedo Mask helps Sailor Moon do
her first ever Sailor Moon Kick attack, based on the Sailor V kick of course.
It's an attack Sailor Moon uses later on, and it's a real shame we didn't get
to see this. I know the Toei team at the time hated him, and let's be honest,
this looks less romantic and more like a dad helping his kid kick, but still.
Even in Crystal, sure he saves Sailor Moon from being killed, but she ends up
attacking on her own. Maybe this is a good change though, as both anime
titles had the girls being self-sufficient.
Or maybe we're better off not seeing his hand go up that skirt. SHE'S 14 YOU
ASSHOLE!!
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